So last night I hit another milestone, I slept in my own bed, for the entire night! In honesty I made a fortress of pillows to guard my face, but managed to have an amazing sleep. I only woke up once and even slept in until 9.45! Amazing! I didn't plan to get in my bed, I got on my chair and within 5 minutes i'd had enough and thought oh sod it. I spent most of the night on my back, and if I did roll onto my face I made sure pressure was on my forehead rather than directly on my jaw. But one step closer to normality.
Today soon turned into a pretty awful day. I originally became really productive, and even made a video. However shortly after my mood rocketed and I turned so depressed I even uttered the words "I hate my new face, why couldn't I just have been greatful with what I had - this jaw surgery was the worst thing I have ever done" *Gasp* That turned into a massive sob, and I mean real hysterical crying which probably lasted the best part of an hour.
Now I feel more positive about the situation; how I should have looked at it is; I'm learning to smile again, my smile is wonky because my swelling is worse on one side but non-existing on the other, I can't talk properly yet because of numbness and swelling and stitches, and my face looks completely different - but completely normal.
I guess you never appreciate how hard it is to get used to something completely new, especially when it's changing on a daily basis. To me my new face looks weird, it looks out of proportion and it looks totally different. To anyone else it looks normal - but a normal smile with no gums showing, or a normal jaw line is Not something I am used to!
Anyway, on 'reflection' of said event, I'm not going to upload the video I did, nor any photos I took. I'm going to start a new day tomorrow and attempt it again, and appreciate that yeah, I'm healing pretty well, but i'm a long long way from total 100% recovery. People say that you shouldn't worry about your appearance until 6 months post-op, but that's real hard isn't it?!